the end of the year
it's that time for reflecting upon my actions and thoughts and how they affected the events of the year past. to me, my life, other than the academic part revolves around the people i love and care for..
to those who have helped me, thank you. you may not even have realised that you were helping me, but i have been grateful for the aid accorded to me, even though i may not have thanked you at that point in time. for the lessons i've learnt, both the hard, painful ones as well as the soft, pleasant ones... thanks goes out to those who have helped me learn them.
to those whom i'm helped in any way, which is thanks-worthy, you're welcome. i'm glad to have done whatever it was i did that helped you. sometimes i don't realise the impact of what i do. as i've come to learn during the past year especially, the slightest nuance or inflection can make all the difference.
my sincerest apologies to those whom i've hurt. i pray that this group is a small one. through my actions or inactions i have caused you pain. most of you whom i've hurt, i'm probably still not aware of the trespasses i've commited. but there are some people whom i've hurt deliberately. maybe, out of a sense of reciprocity (whether right or wrong) or due to loss of sanity at that point in time or simply just to blow off steam. i have tried not to be malicious or be hypocritical. i think to a large extent i have been successful, but there have been instances where i have succumbed to the temptation of being both. i'm hardly proud of them, but what has been done cannot be undone, unless somebody's got a time machine out there. i hope all of you can forgive me.
and to round out the year, i forgive everyone who has done me wrong, whether intentional or unintentional. holding on to the past just means added baggage, so leave it all behind and start the year afresh.
comments are much appreciated. either in the comment link or else you can mail me at [pseudonym under which this blog is published (if you didn't get that, look at the byline.. you know the line which shows when this post was published)][at]gmail[dot]com.
to all, a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
to those who have helped me, thank you. you may not even have realised that you were helping me, but i have been grateful for the aid accorded to me, even though i may not have thanked you at that point in time. for the lessons i've learnt, both the hard, painful ones as well as the soft, pleasant ones... thanks goes out to those who have helped me learn them.
to those whom i'm helped in any way, which is thanks-worthy, you're welcome. i'm glad to have done whatever it was i did that helped you. sometimes i don't realise the impact of what i do. as i've come to learn during the past year especially, the slightest nuance or inflection can make all the difference.
my sincerest apologies to those whom i've hurt. i pray that this group is a small one. through my actions or inactions i have caused you pain. most of you whom i've hurt, i'm probably still not aware of the trespasses i've commited. but there are some people whom i've hurt deliberately. maybe, out of a sense of reciprocity (whether right or wrong) or due to loss of sanity at that point in time or simply just to blow off steam. i have tried not to be malicious or be hypocritical. i think to a large extent i have been successful, but there have been instances where i have succumbed to the temptation of being both. i'm hardly proud of them, but what has been done cannot be undone, unless somebody's got a time machine out there. i hope all of you can forgive me.
and to round out the year, i forgive everyone who has done me wrong, whether intentional or unintentional. holding on to the past just means added baggage, so leave it all behind and start the year afresh.
comments are much appreciated. either in the comment link or else you can mail me at [pseudonym under which this blog is published (if you didn't get that, look at the byline.. you know the line which shows when this post was published)][at]gmail[dot]com.
to all, a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
i have lived and i have loved
I have lived and I have loved;
I have waked and I have slept;
I have sung and I have danced;
I have smiled and I have wept;
I have won and I have wasted treasure;
I have had my fill of pleasure;
And all these things were weariness,
And some of them were dreariness.
And all these things---but two things
Were emptiness and pain:
And Love---it was the best of them;
And Sleep---worth all the rest of them.
- Author Unknown
I have waked and I have slept;
I have sung and I have danced;
I have smiled and I have wept;
I have won and I have wasted treasure;
I have had my fill of pleasure;
And all these things were weariness,
And some of them were dreariness.
And all these things---but two things
Were emptiness and pain:
And Love---it was the best of them;
And Sleep---worth all the rest of them.
- Author Unknown
goodbye...
i never meant to hurt you
i never meant to make you cry
i only meant to love you
i only meant to touch you
in places noone else knew
i never meant to make you cry
i only meant to love you
i only meant to touch you
in places noone else knew
lose the I
hubris and ego contribute to escalation. these 2 attributes cause people to pursue courses which have proven to be bad, because a lot has been committed to the cause. as with all other human characteristics, some people are blessed (cursed) with more or less. and i figure it is the amount of the two that people have that makes them stay the course longer. most psych students would know about the $20 auction. or whatever amount it is. people bid for a note, of arbitary value. any amount can be bet. the catch in the auction is that the 2nd highest bidder also has to pay the price that they bid. this provides a typical example of escalation, because in order not to lose the amount that they bid, the highest bid almost always ends up being much greater than the value of the note. that's unless there is a case of collusion, in which case this theory isn't valid. anyhow, a lot of the things we do in life can be explained with this theory. why do we commit more and more resources to a cause even though the cost outweighs the benefits? sometimes, what needs to be done is take a few steps back and evaluate the situation as objectively as one can, in as rational a manner as possible. then... maybe... we'll realise that a different course might be more beneficial.
before the heartache rolls in
There's a chill in your kissin'
And a thrill I've been missin' too long
This love is deceivin', babe, I'm believin'
This thing's going' wrong
'Cause your eyes betray your heart and soul
and your love for me is growin' old
And I think maybe I'd better pack my bags and
Roll like the wind, better roll 'till the highway ends
Gonna roll on outta here
Before the heartache rolls in
There's a lonesome sound that keeps rollin'
'Round inside of me
Those wheels on the highway are whinin' on by
Baby I gotta leave
If I don't get out now while my mind's in control
Then I'll never be able to ever let go
And I think maybe I better head outta here and
Roll like the wind, better roll 'till the highway ends
Gonna roll on outta here
Before the heartache rolls in
- hootie and the blowfish
And a thrill I've been missin' too long
This love is deceivin', babe, I'm believin'
This thing's going' wrong
'Cause your eyes betray your heart and soul
and your love for me is growin' old
And I think maybe I'd better pack my bags and
Roll like the wind, better roll 'till the highway ends
Gonna roll on outta here
Before the heartache rolls in
There's a lonesome sound that keeps rollin'
'Round inside of me
Those wheels on the highway are whinin' on by
Baby I gotta leave
If I don't get out now while my mind's in control
Then I'll never be able to ever let go
And I think maybe I better head outta here and
Roll like the wind, better roll 'till the highway ends
Gonna roll on outta here
Before the heartache rolls in
- hootie and the blowfish
NZ trip pt III
day 5 - tue 14/12
finally the day arrived when i was gonna jump. the previous day was found but a tad anti-climatic since i didn't get to jump. it was fun... like a 10 course degustation menu that was missing the main course. like totally mind-blowingly delicious but yet you feel cheated since because you didn't get all that you expected. anyways, we drive down to taupo which is about an hour's drive south of rotorua. oh ya.. that's another thing i totally love about NZ. driving there. you know in those TV shows where they test drive cars, they do it in such scenic locations like glades and mountain bends. that's basically what it looks like driving in NZ. and just about everywhere you look is worthy of being used as a postcard pic.
so i park the car at taupo bungy and go to the office to sign up and pay up, at about 1150. when i go there, the guy at the counter tells me that they are on a "safety break". sounded to me like a euphemism for "smoke break". so whilst waiting, the family was checking out the various boards they had around there. one was for the jumping styles and options. taupo bungy specialises in the "water touch", where you get dunked in the water just as the rubber stretches to the max, the fiirst time around. if you goto the site, you'll see pics of the location. it's a cantilevered 20 m long platform that hangs 47 m over the waikato river. the cliff on which the platform is fixed is kinda horseshoe shaped, so you do get good views of the jump when you're at the ends of it. anyways mom wasn't too keen on the water touch. "you're going SOOO fast and then you wanna get a nose and a mouthful of water?? you're doing it the first time. why don't u wait til your next time before you go into the water?" haha.. and if she has anything to do with it, it'll wlould probably be my first AND LAST time. i totally didn't feel nervous at that point in time. i signed the indemnity form and got weighed. then i walked out to the platform where 2 guys were gonna get me hooked up.
even as i walked to the weighing station on the platform i was quite calm. stepped on it with my sandals on, because the dude said that they have straps to keep my sandals on my feet. my sandals added a whole kg to my weight. then i approach the bench and sit down whilst 1 of the guys ties up my legs and straps on my sandals. whilst doing this, he gives me instructions. "after i hook you up, i want you to walk over to the edge where you see those footprints marked out. look right at the camera and smile. then i'll count to 3 and you'll jump. OK?" to which i just nodded. the loudest thought at that point was "oh wow.. i'm FINALLY gonna be jumping. it's really happening." so after i'm finally hooked up, i shuffle over to the edge.. kinda like a deathrow inmate going on his last walk, with his leg in chains... and you hear someone in the background going "dead man walking". so there i was standing at the edge. looked right to the camera and flashed a grin. then heard the guy call out "one.. two... three!!!" and i bent forward and looked down.
BIG thought/revelation:
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! AM I SERIOUSLY OUTTA MY HEAD. MAN... THAT LOOKS PRETTY FAR DOWN. A LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE I DIE. SWEET JESUS !!! HELP ME OUT HERE DUDE!!"
i leaned back and asked the guy if he could like push me off. he just shook his head and told me "hey mate.. it ain't too hard. don't think.. just jump when you hear 3" i nodded the nod of the condemned.
rationalising thought:
"lookie here boy.. thousands of people have done this and none have died. and you knew that till abt a minute ago. and look.. that 99 bucks ain't refundable and you can't transfer the jump to anyone else. so you either do it or you burn it. and REMEMBER.. you're probably never gonna EVER do it again."
so this time on the count of 3, i stepped off the ledge and went down feet first for about 15 odd metres before turning upside down and coming to about 2 or 3 feet from the water. at which point my right sandal came off. so much for their extremely safe strapping technique :Þ i had my eyes closed from the moment i stepped off the ledge for like a whole moment and when i open my eyes, i see the water about a meter away, and feel my sandal dropping. but i must say, i found the jump quite exhilarating and nowhere near as jarring as i expected it to be. i was expecting a major deceleration from like 100-0 in 1/2 a sec, but the rubber kicks in about 1/2 to 2/3 way into the jump, so it's a gentle deceleration. anyways i figure that i didn't have time to reach terminal velocity, which is what i'd like to do the next time i jump. from about 200 odd metres that would have to be :D.
so when the rope finally came to a rest, 2 guys in an inflatable raft got me down and then i walked up the cliff. that 10 minute trek TOTALLY used up whatever adrenaline rush i had after the jump. so i wasn't feeling too bouncy. i checked out the video my parents took... which is how i knew about my orientation during the jump.
the exciting part of the day done, we went trekking in orakei korako, the hidden valley. extremely pretty. really looked like something from jurassic park.. except without the psycho dinosaurs. check out the pics at the website to get what i'm talking about.
til the next instalment..toodles!!
finally the day arrived when i was gonna jump. the previous day was found but a tad anti-climatic since i didn't get to jump. it was fun... like a 10 course degustation menu that was missing the main course. like totally mind-blowingly delicious but yet you feel cheated since because you didn't get all that you expected. anyways, we drive down to taupo which is about an hour's drive south of rotorua. oh ya.. that's another thing i totally love about NZ. driving there. you know in those TV shows where they test drive cars, they do it in such scenic locations like glades and mountain bends. that's basically what it looks like driving in NZ. and just about everywhere you look is worthy of being used as a postcard pic.
so i park the car at taupo bungy and go to the office to sign up and pay up, at about 1150. when i go there, the guy at the counter tells me that they are on a "safety break". sounded to me like a euphemism for "smoke break". so whilst waiting, the family was checking out the various boards they had around there. one was for the jumping styles and options. taupo bungy specialises in the "water touch", where you get dunked in the water just as the rubber stretches to the max, the fiirst time around. if you goto the site, you'll see pics of the location. it's a cantilevered 20 m long platform that hangs 47 m over the waikato river. the cliff on which the platform is fixed is kinda horseshoe shaped, so you do get good views of the jump when you're at the ends of it. anyways mom wasn't too keen on the water touch. "you're going SOOO fast and then you wanna get a nose and a mouthful of water?? you're doing it the first time. why don't u wait til your next time before you go into the water?" haha.. and if she has anything to do with it, it'll wlould probably be my first AND LAST time. i totally didn't feel nervous at that point in time. i signed the indemnity form and got weighed. then i walked out to the platform where 2 guys were gonna get me hooked up.
even as i walked to the weighing station on the platform i was quite calm. stepped on it with my sandals on, because the dude said that they have straps to keep my sandals on my feet. my sandals added a whole kg to my weight. then i approach the bench and sit down whilst 1 of the guys ties up my legs and straps on my sandals. whilst doing this, he gives me instructions. "after i hook you up, i want you to walk over to the edge where you see those footprints marked out. look right at the camera and smile. then i'll count to 3 and you'll jump. OK?" to which i just nodded. the loudest thought at that point was "oh wow.. i'm FINALLY gonna be jumping. it's really happening." so after i'm finally hooked up, i shuffle over to the edge.. kinda like a deathrow inmate going on his last walk, with his leg in chains... and you hear someone in the background going "dead man walking". so there i was standing at the edge. looked right to the camera and flashed a grin. then heard the guy call out "one.. two... three!!!" and i bent forward and looked down.
BIG thought/revelation:
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! AM I SERIOUSLY OUTTA MY HEAD. MAN... THAT LOOKS PRETTY FAR DOWN. A LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE I DIE. SWEET JESUS !!! HELP ME OUT HERE DUDE!!"
i leaned back and asked the guy if he could like push me off. he just shook his head and told me "hey mate.. it ain't too hard. don't think.. just jump when you hear 3" i nodded the nod of the condemned.
rationalising thought:
"lookie here boy.. thousands of people have done this and none have died. and you knew that till abt a minute ago. and look.. that 99 bucks ain't refundable and you can't transfer the jump to anyone else. so you either do it or you burn it. and REMEMBER.. you're probably never gonna EVER do it again."
so this time on the count of 3, i stepped off the ledge and went down feet first for about 15 odd metres before turning upside down and coming to about 2 or 3 feet from the water. at which point my right sandal came off. so much for their extremely safe strapping technique :Þ i had my eyes closed from the moment i stepped off the ledge for like a whole moment and when i open my eyes, i see the water about a meter away, and feel my sandal dropping. but i must say, i found the jump quite exhilarating and nowhere near as jarring as i expected it to be. i was expecting a major deceleration from like 100-0 in 1/2 a sec, but the rubber kicks in about 1/2 to 2/3 way into the jump, so it's a gentle deceleration. anyways i figure that i didn't have time to reach terminal velocity, which is what i'd like to do the next time i jump. from about 200 odd metres that would have to be :D.
so when the rope finally came to a rest, 2 guys in an inflatable raft got me down and then i walked up the cliff. that 10 minute trek TOTALLY used up whatever adrenaline rush i had after the jump. so i wasn't feeling too bouncy. i checked out the video my parents took... which is how i knew about my orientation during the jump.
the exciting part of the day done, we went trekking in orakei korako, the hidden valley. extremely pretty. really looked like something from jurassic park.. except without the psycho dinosaurs. check out the pics at the website to get what i'm talking about.
til the next instalment..toodles!!
NZ trip pt II
day 4 - mon 13/12
oh ya... forgot to mention, the day before i.e. on sunday after the museum, we headed into the "city centre" to check out the information office. that's 1 thing i really like about NZ. the government goes all out to make the country a tourist friendly place. just about every medium sized to big town there has an information office where tourists can go to find out about what there is to do in the area and where they can stay. the offices are called "i" for information "site". pronounced as "eyesight". anyways whilst we were there, dad collected every brochure that was on the brochure stand that advertised activities we might do and passed them on to me to review. i came across two for bungy jumping and was thinking "why the hell is he passing me this? not like they are gonna let me do it". well... i guess the sulphur in the air must have gotten to their brains and they actually said that i could do it.
so getting back to the actual day, we drove down to the agrodome where they had this package deal thingy, where you can zorb, bungy jump and go on a jet boat. dad wasn't too impressed with the bungy jumping facility, coz it was basically a crane and it wasn't too scenic. and he sure as hell wasn't happy with the jet boat course, becourse it was a manmade small little thingy... not the natural sort like they have for the shotover jet in queenstown in south island. so my sis and i ended up only zorbing. extremely fun. when i saw the guy before me going, i thought the course looked damn short.. it was about 30-45 seconds long. after i went though, i realised why it was only that long. i think if it had been longer, there might have been lots more people getting sick. iit feels like being tossed into a washing machine that rotates in ALL axes. good fun i must admit.
after zorbing, we made our way halfway to taupo for the jet boat ride, with rapids jet on the aratiatia rapids which is part of the waikato river. had many a "hamilton 360-degree" spin, which i guess looks like a car fishtailing. extremely wet fun. not THAT kinda wet you pervert!! i shall post pics of the jetboat ride sometime in the near future.
was gonna talk abt bungy jumping in this post, but i'm outta time, so i guess this instalment gets split into 2.
oh ya... forgot to mention, the day before i.e. on sunday after the museum, we headed into the "city centre" to check out the information office. that's 1 thing i really like about NZ. the government goes all out to make the country a tourist friendly place. just about every medium sized to big town there has an information office where tourists can go to find out about what there is to do in the area and where they can stay. the offices are called "i" for information "site". pronounced as "eyesight". anyways whilst we were there, dad collected every brochure that was on the brochure stand that advertised activities we might do and passed them on to me to review. i came across two for bungy jumping and was thinking "why the hell is he passing me this? not like they are gonna let me do it". well... i guess the sulphur in the air must have gotten to their brains and they actually said that i could do it.
so getting back to the actual day, we drove down to the agrodome where they had this package deal thingy, where you can zorb, bungy jump and go on a jet boat. dad wasn't too impressed with the bungy jumping facility, coz it was basically a crane and it wasn't too scenic. and he sure as hell wasn't happy with the jet boat course, becourse it was a manmade small little thingy... not the natural sort like they have for the shotover jet in queenstown in south island. so my sis and i ended up only zorbing. extremely fun. when i saw the guy before me going, i thought the course looked damn short.. it was about 30-45 seconds long. after i went though, i realised why it was only that long. i think if it had been longer, there might have been lots more people getting sick. iit feels like being tossed into a washing machine that rotates in ALL axes. good fun i must admit.
after zorbing, we made our way halfway to taupo for the jet boat ride, with rapids jet on the aratiatia rapids which is part of the waikato river. had many a "hamilton 360-degree" spin, which i guess looks like a car fishtailing. extremely wet fun. not THAT kinda wet you pervert!! i shall post pics of the jetboat ride sometime in the near future.
was gonna talk abt bungy jumping in this post, but i'm outta time, so i guess this instalment gets split into 2.
NZ trip pt I
day 1 - fri 10/12
arrived in auckland, rented the car, bought groceries (because the country has not very palatable food and it's hard to get asian spices out of auckland) and cruised off to rotorua. knew i was in rotorua by the fragrant aroma of rotten eggs. wafting off the numerous hot springs. i guess the plus point there is that if you fart, it wouldn't be as noticeable, so less of a faux pas.
"hey...who let 1 rip?!?!"
doer take a sniff innocently and comment "are you sure you aren't just smelling the sulphur?"
anyhow, we got to rotorua and checked in at the cedarwood lakeside resort, which is about 7-8 km from what is called the city centre. for a true blue city-dweller (me), calling that a city centre seems quite laughable. the city centre has about 30-40 shops. it's like the size of the shopping area in 1 of the medium sized burbs in sydney.
day 2 - sat 11/12
we get rolling at about 11+. yes, i know, we aren't early birds... it's a bloody HOLIDAY for goodness' sake. we went to the NZ maori art and crafts insitute, where we first saw this song and dance performance in their great hall thingy. of course, there was the ubiquitous haka. according to my mom, a few of the songs they sang are campfire songs that she remembers from her school days, all those millenia ago. apparently the maori great halls are like the community centre/funeral home/church/school and above all, the womb of the first ancestor. which is why one should always be respectful within them. also saw some geysers and mudpools in the whakarewarewa thermal reserve. the landscape looks rather alien, i must admit. kinda like what you'd expect the surface of some other planet to be.
day 3 - sun 12/12
it was an extremely lazy day. all we did was go to this quaint little engine museum. saw interesting engines from the 19th century and went on a choo choo train :D
in the 2nd instalment, i shall talk about my zorbing and bungy jumping experience. the 3rd instalment will be about my visit to hobbiton (you know.. the shire LOTR: fellowship of the ring) and the last instalment shall cover my stay in waitomo..
arrived in auckland, rented the car, bought groceries (because the country has not very palatable food and it's hard to get asian spices out of auckland) and cruised off to rotorua. knew i was in rotorua by the fragrant aroma of rotten eggs. wafting off the numerous hot springs. i guess the plus point there is that if you fart, it wouldn't be as noticeable, so less of a faux pas.
"hey...who let 1 rip?!?!"
doer take a sniff innocently and comment "are you sure you aren't just smelling the sulphur?"
anyhow, we got to rotorua and checked in at the cedarwood lakeside resort, which is about 7-8 km from what is called the city centre. for a true blue city-dweller (me), calling that a city centre seems quite laughable. the city centre has about 30-40 shops. it's like the size of the shopping area in 1 of the medium sized burbs in sydney.
day 2 - sat 11/12
we get rolling at about 11+. yes, i know, we aren't early birds... it's a bloody HOLIDAY for goodness' sake. we went to the NZ maori art and crafts insitute, where we first saw this song and dance performance in their great hall thingy. of course, there was the ubiquitous haka. according to my mom, a few of the songs they sang are campfire songs that she remembers from her school days, all those millenia ago. apparently the maori great halls are like the community centre/funeral home/church/school and above all, the womb of the first ancestor. which is why one should always be respectful within them. also saw some geysers and mudpools in the whakarewarewa thermal reserve. the landscape looks rather alien, i must admit. kinda like what you'd expect the surface of some other planet to be.
day 3 - sun 12/12
it was an extremely lazy day. all we did was go to this quaint little engine museum. saw interesting engines from the 19th century and went on a choo choo train :D
in the 2nd instalment, i shall talk about my zorbing and bungy jumping experience. the 3rd instalment will be about my visit to hobbiton (you know.. the shire LOTR: fellowship of the ring) and the last instalment shall cover my stay in waitomo..
freezing in waitomo
it's a cold and wet night up here in waitomo caves. and this place is sooo out there that you seriously don't wanna be driving at night and then end up with a breakdown, coz there are zero street lights. and oh ya, i'm at this 2 bucks for 15 min vend-a-net kiosk thingy. and hooray for me.. bloody hotmail server is WAY busy. oh well... i'll be back in sg in about 48 hours, so i shall see those of you whom i shall see, and i shall post in detail about this trip. i must say, after looking at the place again after watching LOTR, i can sooo figure why they decided to film it here. anyways, till sunday evening, toodles!!
